Everything is awesome. That tree, AWESOME! Those birds, AWESOME!!. That pile of shit, AWESOME!!!1!!11!!!!!
Age 33, Male
Student
Alton High
Alton,IL
Joined on 3/5/06
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Shyheart
The story is pretty strong, but a few tips that'd likely help you have a better chance to win:
1. It changes from third to first person quite abruptly, using some more exposition could help this, although this isn't necessarily a weakness.
2. No real mention of Transylvania, which may earn some ire from the judges considering how the island stories were judged.
3. A question: Simon as in Simon belmont? because that'd be radical.
4. Kind of cliche in your usage of all the monsters, which they kind of told us to shy away from doing.
Some-Stupid-Idiot
1. The third person was only used in the explanation scene.
2. I don't like to mention towns and stuff unless it is really important. I provided the setting, nothing else.
3. I was thinking of Simon when I wrote it.
4. Actually the monsters only served as a source of fear, the shades where of my own creation though. Even though they may tell us to shy away from something, that doesn't necessarily mean it's bad to use it, it's just harder to do it right.