If you want to be a mod you should go for a gold whistle. That is what most forum mods have in common.
Everything is awesome. That tree, AWESOME! Those birds, AWESOME!!. That pile of shit, AWESOME!!!1!!11!!!!!
Age 33, Male
Student
Alton High
Alton,IL
Joined on 3/5/06
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Comments
Love your story. It has action, mystery, humor, and a romantic heartbeat every once in a while. Great dialogue, I can just imagine the characters in my head, the descriptions also paint a very detailed picture. Well done fine sir, I thoroughly enjoyed this story. I don't even see anything wrong with it.
Thanks man, also I went back on last.fm. Our compatablity is high again.
blakedatch
You have a good idea formulating here; there are just some quirks in your writing that bother me. Although I do not want to pinpoint my exact complaints (for fear of forcing my personal opinions on you), my only specific criticism is that your story moves at too fast a clip, causing your reader to lose some interest in your overall story and characters. Slow things down a bit by either explaining more or addressing less issues.
As for my general advice, read your story aloud, especially the dialogue. As you read, question yourself if everything sounds realistic or cohesive. If you can't imagine yourself speaking exactly like your main character (both as the narrator and while speaking to others) or your other characters, then those parts need to be adjusted. If a character's actions seem abnoraml--something you would never in your right mind do--change those actions to something more credible. And lastly, check to see if you are addressing anything that isn't pivotal to the story (personally, the whole vampire thing seems pointless since "they don't exist"), and possibly omit those needless sections.
Anyway, I wish you luck in the contest.
Some-Stupid-Idiot
I can see how I can cut out everything related to the vampires.
Simon was always fearful, after that woman and child was killed he couldn't stand letting someone die at his hands again.
I'm not good with lengthening a story, I was never good at adding detail into the setting, I only point out what needs to be. I know no one would actually try to dig up a priest body but it was for the sake of the ritual that he did so.